What links animal shows and an aspiring generation of business entrepreneurs? The Apprentice, of course; oh, and the mighty chesterfield sofa. Last week’s show turned its claws on the world of pets. We once again got to see the ‘brightest’ business brains in Britain work their magic on the animal kingdom – or the owners of said animals at least. Did they manage to cut the mustard? Well, not really, but then we’ve come to expect that.
Still what could’ve turned into a right dog’s dinner was saved by the appearance of not one, but two, beautifully crafted pieces of furniture. Two fine looking chesterfield sofas stole the show: one a life-sized fabric covered chesterfield settee jealously guarded by the victorious members of team Versatile: the other a beautiful scaled-down leather chesterfield sofa dog basket. Who spends that much money on a dog bed? Well, the answer it seems is the decadently rich but seriously deluded buyer. Personally we see nothing wrong with a bit of carpet ourselves, or a chair at best. If you’re going to spend several hundred pounds; spend it on yourselves and buy a proper adult-sized chesterfield sofa, not a dog bed.
Can it really be that hard to identify the type of animal products that might grab the attention of an enthusiastic and willing audience at the London Pet Show? Well, judging by the end-of-day takings for team Connexus, the answer is yes, it obviously can. Even the spectacular be-blazered, fast-talking, Ruth Whiteley, couldn’t tip the scales in the team’s favour; nor could high-vis chicken jackets or rabbit racing. Surely anyone with nous would’ve realised that cat towers, microwave heat pads and LED cat toys were never going to win fair lady, but then again who on earth would’ve thought that animal balloons, pet throws and luxury dog beds would’ve come up trumps? Not us, that’s for sure. The only thing that the show demonstrated is that people buy the strangest things. All they needed to do was look at the chesterfield sofa they were sitting on to see what people really want to spend good money on.
So what can we expect when it comes to episode 5 when the contestants have to create a commercially appealing children’s book? We dread to think. Scott will probably remain as indecisive as ever, Brett’s mouth will still be seamlessly connected to a random word generator, whilst Mergim will no doubt shoot himself in the foot once again. For a man who can’t distinguish between Dr Johnson and Samuel. L. Jackson, a trial by literature should really be something to behold.
Let’s just hope the other contestants know their onions. Let’s also hope the chesterfield sofa makes an appearance again. There are already too many clueless apprentices on the show; people with over-inflated egos who are full of hot air. What we need to see for our sanity’s sake is a master at work. What we need are more shots of the chesterfield sofa and far less bluff and bluster.