So, what’s the plot? Well, we’re certainly not clear on that one. The only thing we can say with any degree of certainty is that living on a limited diet of Spam alone obviously is not good for you. The gist seems to be that Australian actress, Melissa George, who plays the pouting Samantha Hunter, works as an espionage operative for ‘Byzantium’, a private intelligence agency. She survives an attempt on her life, which she strongly suspects was orchestrated by members of her own squad. After recovering by running up Scottish hillsides and eating a shed load of spam, she returns to active duty, and goes back to work undercover as a nanny for the son of Jack Turner, the subject of the sting. Turner, played by Patrick Malahide, is the gruff, shiny-suited wide-boy Cockney. He’s supposed to be the a-typical self-made, ruthless East End gangster, though he comes across more like an avuncular Alan Sugar than Reggie Kray. Still, ignore the distractions if you can. Sam doesn’t know who tried to kill her or whom to trust, though it’s patently obvious that the attempt on her life has got to be tied to an horrific event that happened to her in childhood. Everything clear so far? We thought not. So satisfy yourself with this then; the moral of the plot, unsurprisingly, is trust nobody, suspect every one. If you approach it with that sort of Spooks mentality and suspend any sense of belief, then you won’t go far wrong. Besides, even if the plot rambles, you can always feast your eyes on Turner’s fine collection of traditional leather chesterfield sofas and chairs. Why would anyone have so many pieces of chesterfield furniture in a room? Well, we can’t answer that question either. We love a leather chesterfield sofa more than most, but even we think you can push the boundaries too far some times. If it was just the two leather chesterfield sofas, you might think – well, fair enough, he may never have read a book, but they don’t look out of place in the library/drawing room. They’re comfortable to sit on and would be perfect for conducting dodgy underworld dealings after all. The only problem is why bother having a couple of traditional chesterfield chairs as well? Turner appears to be the only one allowed to sit down as it is; all the invited ‘guests’ looks too petrified to hang around long. The only answer we can come up with is that he has the chairs too because he can. It’s his ill-gotten money to spend as he likes at the end of the day, and if he’s that passionate about traditional chesterfield furniture, why not. After all, you steal your money, you take your choice.]]>